Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Girl Talk: The Pill

I have two kids. We don’t want any more. Really. Stop bugging us.

Andrew is too chicken concerned about the long-term mental effects of having a vasectomyshe writes, while secretly wanting to scream GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!—so yes, I am back on the pill. It’s been almost two months now, and the side effects have been a constant source of joy.

Doctor reminded me I could take the pills non-stop to avoid having a period. While my periods have never been a big deal, I chose to start my second pack immediately following the first as our vacation fell in the week I would have been menstruating. [Aside: Not a big deal as I am a tampon user and evangelist. Why do so many women insist on still using pads?]
Thank you, Pill, for causing me to drop lovely brown crud, which I can only assume is the junk from the thinning lining of my uterus, for almost 4 weeks now. It’s been a real pleasure having to wear sticky, sweaty pantiliners all this time. You are so generous.
Remembering how lovely my skin was during my early years on the pill—you’ll never know just how early—I was eager to see these same results in my mid-30s, as I do still battle with the occasional zit.
Thank you, Pill, for presenting me with the loveliest of breakouts right smack in the center of my chin. I’ve been admiring the collection of little red bumps for about three weeks now. So pretty.
And best of all... condom-free snuggle time with my husband! Jake is two now, so you know how long it’s been!
Thank you, Pill, for devouring my sex drive so much so that I can’t even stand the thought of a yummy kiss. Prior to your reappearance into my bloodstream, Andrew merely had to walk in the door and have to fend me off. Poor man. I don’t know how he could stand it.
So why am I still doing this to myself? Because the damned Federal Government only covers oral contraceptives for their employees. No IUDs, no vasectomies. Just the pill. Oh, but they do cover sex changes.

Sign me up.

6 comments:

  1. Eeee - have you talked with your doc about the lovely brown crud?

    I had that problem.

    I now have Cameron.

    Just a friendly warning, if you're doing something unexpected on the pill it's not working!

    And I'm on the 'give me a break' side too. Yeesh. How about the long-term mental and physical effects of synthetic foreign hormones?

    Have you considered the mirena IUD? It's supposed to be pretty darned reliable, plus nixes your period after a few months.

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  2. Hey Melanie -

    Will call the doctor as soon as she's back from holidays... I'm so tired of this. It's such the opposite of everything good I used to love about the pill.

    I saw Doc about Mirena. She recommended it highly. Kate has one. Loves it. I've read good and not so good reviews. Willing to try it. Have the 'scrip for it. $350 for the thing. And no, it is not covered under Andrew's plan. Doc was floored at this. Cheaper and wayyy more effective than pill.

    Not within our budget right now, so the 'scrip sits tacked to my bulletin board until we have a bit more cashflow. I don't think I am going to start the next month of pill. I just can't stand it anymore, and there has been no action since I started back on it anyway. What a waste.

    Thanks for the note ;) Hope you're feeling better. Hugs to Cameron.
    Joe

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  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog - I LOVE reading local blogs, and I don't have enough of them!!!

    Boo hoo on the vasectomy. I am making my hubby get one . . . he had a consult last week. I told him no more sex if he didn't do it ;-) NO FREAKING WAY I want another baby - three is PLENTY. And I totally get your frustration, I'm such a pill-hater. It was awful for me and for my body. I would say an IUD too, except I now know two people who got pregnant with them. One had a complicated miscarriage. Talk to your husband again . . . ????????

    Your blog is great, BTW, I'm heading off on vacation for almost three weeks but will be back and ready to read more after that!!

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  4. Hey Shannon!

    Thanks for the post. I love your blog too. Enjoy your vacation!!!

    Talk soon,
    Joe

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  5. Oh my gosh I can SO relate. Those darn pills are nasty so I went off them and now I have a surprise child. That still didn't convince my hubby to get it done and I'm not going back on the pill. I tell him hey I survived one surprise pregnancy, I'll can survive another! He didn't like that so much :)

    Thanks for saying hi today!

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  6. Seriously, The Man had the big V. He took a day off work.. tell the guy to suck it up and book an appointment. (I refused to go back on the pill. Too many side effects and I have blood pressure issues.)

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