What I’ve Learned…

What a learning curve I have been on for the last eighteen months… In January 2010, I made the mind-blowing, world-shifting, alarming decision to leave my marriage. Since then, I have seen more personal growth than in all of my adult years to date.

Here’s what I have learned so far…

• That separation and divorce does not have to be nasty/bitter/angry/unjust/evil/dirty/disastrous, and it does not have to destroy your children.

• That the friends you thought would stand by you forever, might not. Because when you decide to change, it means they need to change too. And if they can’t put their feelings and opinions aside to accept your changes, you may lose them. It’s okay. New friends are waiting for you just around the corner. And maybe, just maybe, your old friends will come back someday, ready to embrace your choices and your new life.

• That those people who preach forgiveness and grace and “do unto others” just might turn out to be the people who throw judgment the hardest. Beware. Forgive them first.

• That it’s okay to want everything on your wish list. And if you focus on it hard enough, you will receive everything on your wish list. Let it come to you. Allow it to arrive. Don’t believe in “It’s too good to be true”. Embrace and enjoy…

• That the greater the leap the greater the reward. I have taken many risks this last year and a half, despite it being extremely uncharacteristic of me to do so. Opening a gym with a man I had known less than a year, but whose experience, knowledge, and love I trusted implicitly. Letting go of most of my design + publishing clients to better focus my energies on the gym, meaning uncertain income and less security, but a greater allowance for expansion of my managerial skills and organizational talents as I build this business–this life—from scratch.

• That my children will be better-than-okay because they know Mama and Dad, and all of their friends and family, love them unconditionally. Quinner brought home his best report card yet (nothing less than a B-), and Teej enjoyed a brilliant first year of Kindergarten. Despite how people warned me, my children have not suffered, and with continued love, respect and support they will have every opportunity to grow and flourish into fantastic men who respect happiness and choice.

• That friends after forty (or in my case, approaching forty) are fabulous. Women in their forties are brilliant, confident, secure and genuine. They come to you raw and ready to hear your story with no preconceived notions of who you should or shouldn’t be.

• That thought inspires action, and action inspires results. What you think about, you bring about. Design vision boards, write goal statements, put sticky notes everywhere, to reaffirm where you want to go, and what you want to achieve. It will happen, if you trust in your power to think. Spend 5–10 minutes each day—ideally as soon as you open your eyes in the morning, or after you close them at night—to focus your energy on your desires.

• That I can, should, and am entitled to do anything I want. If I want to write, I will write. If I want to design, I will design. That I am brilliant at all I attempt: colour work, illustration, bead jewelry, working with clients, organizing, planning, playing, writing, speaking, caring, parenting, being a good friend, loving.

• That life is what you make it.